Reflecting on lessons from God.

It has been a very long, hard, trying 4 years. I was thinking the other night about where my family is now and where we have been. I was reflecting on our path we have traveled so far.......

God did not put me on this earth to live up to someone else's standard, He wants me to live for Him. I believe my most important job in my life is being the best wife and mother that I can be. It may sound cliche or even boring or typical but it is part of my soul and always has been. Yes, I am a nurse and I do sometimes enjoy that part of me, but my heart is God and my family. I remember my sophomore year in high school and trying to think of the direction I wanted to take in my life. My dad came over to me with the "jobs" section of the newspaper. He showed me all the incredible sign on bonuses offered to nurses and how much money I would make once I took the 4 year plunge into the nursing school's pit of despair (just kidding it wasn't that bad). I was still contemplating if I wanted to be a journalist or a lawyer (because I love to argue). My dad pointed out to me that neither one of those would be easy to find work and I may struggle. I liked people (still do, some....;)) so I took my dad's wise advice.

Fast forward about 15 years, I was in my stay at home mom mode, ya know loving it one day, next hour ready to pull my hair out calling Roland, saying please come home now and save me and the next day thinking I wouldn't trade this life for anything, because all I want to do is be with my kids. That was the core of my soul talking, it's true all I want is to be home with my kids.

So, around 2007 I was thinking about letting my nursing license expire (gasp, I know) but I was. I remember having a serious conversation with Roland about it. So, not long after that discussion, Roland lost his job of 16 years. God's work is amazing. Because Roland was struggling getting another full time job, I went back to work full time and he stayed home with the kids to homeschool while he was picking up consulting jobs, part time work etc. until he could find full time work. Wow, who would have expected full time work would take 3 years and a move to the other side of the state. Welcome to the economy of the great state of MI (yet another topic for later, note to self).

So, here we are a new chapter in our lives. We have been in this new area for 1 year now.

The lesson that I learned, while not revealed until 20+ years later is that God had a plan (I know He has plans for us, but my point is I see it now). God knew I was going to need that nursing degree to support my family in trying times and He worked that plan through my dad's words on that day.

My dad died on September 7th of this year. I wish I could have told him, "Thank you for talking to me about nursing and pushing me to do things I did not really want to do." I am glad that God put that in my dad's heart that day.

While I am not so sure about living here. Because change is hard and frankly, it stinks. I know God has a plan for my family being here. I may not be able to see it for a month or even 20+ years, but He is in control and while I am extremely confused at times, I need to have faith that He knows what is best for my family.